A Is For Adultery
by Adele Elisabeth
Summary: Anya teaches Annabelle the alphabet.


[Disclaimer: I own nothing Joss Whedon created]

Author's Note:

sibling reviewed chapter three of 'History Always Repeats Itself', and I decided that I agreed. A fanfic about Genevieve's first encounter with Anya's Alphabet would be pretty amusing. Hopefully. So here it is!

Anya: Go me!

Annabelle: [pretends to be a cheerleader]

Oh, and it's PG-13 for the language used. 

A Is For Adultery

Summary: Anya teaches Annabelle the alphabet

by Adele Elisabeth

"A is for Adultery, which is very bad." Anya recited. 

"A is for Adultery." Annabelle repeated back obediently. "What does adultery mean?"

"Adultery is when a married person has sex with somebody they're not married to." Anya told her. "Next letter. B is for Beastiality, leave those sheep alone."

"B is for Beastiality. What's that?"

"Sex with animals."

"Ick."

"That's right. Ick. Okay, C is for Criminal Lawyer, I told you to leave those sheep alone." 

"C is for Criminal Lawyer." 

"D is for Divorce." 

"My friend Bianca's mommy got a divorce from Bianca's daddy. Bianca lives with her mommy now." Annabelle told Anya. 

"Really? Interesting. Okay, E is for Edible Body Paint."

"E is for Edible Body Paint. Ummm...?"

"It's when you paint somebody with this special tasty stuff and then you lick it off. Well, -you- don't, because you're too young. But Willow is partial to After Dinner Mint."

Cordelia stood in the doorway, watching Anya corrupt her child. She wondered if she should interrupt, but they seemed to be having so much fun. Admittedly it wasn't 'good clean fun', but it was good fun, none the less.

"Next letter?"

"Next letter. F is for Fornication."

"F is for Fornication."

"Fornication means sex." 

"Oh. There's a lot of words for that, isn't there?" 

"I know. Did you know Xander named his penis? I heard him talking to it when he was using the bathroom at mine and Willow's apartment." 

"Ewww." 

"It's a very male thing to do. So, G is for Grand Theft Auto."

"G is for Grand Theft Auto. I know what that one means, that's when you steal a car. Uncle Xander has the playstation game of it. I beat him."

"I bet you did. I'm sure he was very upset. Cars are an extension of the penis, you know. The smaller the penis, the larger the car. Well known fact." 

"Daddy must have a tiny penis, I saw the car he wants to buy."

Cordelia choked on that somewhat.

"It's entirely possible. Though Cordelia hasn't complained to any of us yet, so I suppose he knows what he's doing." 

"My parents don't have sex. Ick!"

"I bet they do. So, H is for Hitman."

"H is for Hitman. That's an assassin, isn't it? But the regular person kind, and not demons?"

"That's right. I is for Illustrations -- the Kama Sutra is a godsend." 

"Mommy has a copy of that." 

"Really?" Anya made a mental note to borrow it. "Okay, J is for Judgement." 

"J is for Judgement. Like in court?"

"Just like that. Me being a Vengeance Demon, I'm more at home in a divorce court."

"Did you have anything to do with the boil on Bianca's daddy's bum? He couldn't sit properly for ages." 

"I plead the fifth. Now, K is for Killing, just for the hell of it." 

"Like Auntie Faith and Auntie Niamh used to do?" 

"Yup. L is for Lewd and Lascivious."

"L is for Lewd and Lascivious." Annabelle wrinkled her names. "What?" 

"Simply put, dirty and suggestive." 

"Daddy can be lewd." 

"He's married to an ex-cheerleader. Of course he can be lewd. M is for Midlife Crisis." 

"M is for Midlife Crisis. Mommy said Daddy's new car is his midlife crisis. But she also said that Daddy should have already had a midlife crisis. Daddy said Mommy was his midlife crisis."

"Again, cheerleader. A common male fantasy."

"Mommy still has the outfit and the pom-poms. I wonder if Daddy knows."

"I'm sure he does. N is for Nightly. Which isn't very likely."

"N is for Nightly. Nightly sex?" 

"You learn fast."

Annabelle and Anya traded impish grins, and Anya continued, "O is for Onanism."

"O is for Onanism. I've never heard that word before."

"When you are not Getting Any and you take matters into your own hands. Literally." 

"Oh." Annabelle pondered that. "Yick." 

"You could say that. P is for Passive Agressive. If you don't get what you want, neither does he." 

Cordelia made a note of that for the shoes she'd been after. She was pretty sure Rupert'd cave, and fast. Cordelia C. Giles had her ways. 

"That makes sense. Like when Mommy wouldn't give Daddy his tie back unless he promised to do the dishes?"

"In a way, in a way. Q is for Quick, when it's boring and you just want to get it over with. Or alternatively, Q is for Quickie, when it's quick whether you like it or not." Anya paused and pondered this. "Sometimes they just can't keep it up." 

"Q is for Quick, or Quickie. And that is called erectile dysfunction." Annabelle parroted back the phrase Anya had taught her. 

(Anya had taught her it so she could sneak up on her father and yell it at him every now and again. It was having the desired effect -- stark terror)

"That's right." Anya nodded approvingly. "Let me see...R is for R-Rated."

"R is for R Rated. Like Uncle Xander's magazines he thinks nobody knows about?"

"And the videos." Anya nodded. "S is for Sado-Masochism. Kind of like bondage, I think. Very common in demons. Though female demons tend to go for a dominatrix thing." 

"You're a demon." 

"Yup." 

"Ewww."

"Don't think about it, then. Next on the list, T is for Tough Love. I guess that one goes with S." 

"T is for Tough Love." 

"U is for Underworld -- demons and shit." 

"U is for Underworld. Don't say shit, Auntie Anya." 

"Okay. V is for Vengeance, which is where I come in." 

"V is for Vengeance. You have to tell me some more Vengeance stories soon, Auntie Anya." 

"I know. We just have to make sure your Daddy doesn't here, because he doesn't approve."

"Uncle Spike says Daddy has a stake up his ass."

"He might just be right. W is for Winter Nights. No better way of keeping warm." 

"W is for Winter Nights. Mommy and Daddy sleep in a lot in winter."

"Well, now you know why."

"Ewwww."

"I second that. I wonder if Giles has a wrinkly butt."

"Auntie Anya!"

Cordelia was trying not to piss herself laughing at their conversation. 

And my husband's ass is a very nice ass, if I do say so myself. Can't say anything about bouncing quarters around Anya, though. She might try it. Though Rupert could use a real shock...

"Sorry. X is for eX husband -- from divorce." 

"X is for eX husband. Did you ever get married?" 

"Nope. Not my thing. Y is for Youth. As in recapturing it. Which I maintain is what your Daddy is trying to do with his little cheerleader." 

"Y is for Youth. I heard Mommy say Daddy is plenty youthful where it counts." 

Cordelia tried not to gasp. Annabelle heard that? Well, she'd have to be more careful on the phone.

"Z is for Zoo. That goes right along with Beastiality."

"Z is for Zoo. I'll never look at a hippo the same way again, Auntie Anya."

"Hippos is a bit much. Sheep and goats are more traditional."

"There are traditional animals to...fornicate with?" 

"Odd but true. You humans." 

"You should publish your alphabet, Auntie Anya. It'd be so cool. Maybe my teacher could read it in her class, instead of that boring one about apples and balls."

"Balls?"

"As in tennis balls or basket balls." Annabelle rolled her eyes, and Anya grinned at her. 

Yes, they were getting along famously. 

***

Author's Note:

Sooo...what do you think?


End file.
